SPOILT ROTTEN
“You may not see it, but, do you realize your child is terribly spoiled?”
I heard this question being asked by the lady seated behind me at a Café, where I was supposed to meet my friends, who were as usual running late, but that’s a story for another day.
I leaned back to position myself to listen to the ongoing conversation which sounded to be intriguing. Whoever the statement was meant for eventually responded with “Not really,” she said “and” she continued, “my child as you call her, is an only child.” She concluded. This seemed to amuse the other lady, who laughed out loud. “That is exactly what I mean.” Lady A retorted. “Only children are grossly spoiled, and yours, can be no exception.”
At this point my friends arrived, and I did not get to hear Mother-of-one’s response. The conversation however, stayed with me.
I wondered, do people believe that only children are spoilt, by the simple fact they are only children? I do not know. What I know however, is that I have come across children who have siblings and those who don’t and there is no guarantee the ones with siblings are not spoiled. Which brings me to another question, how does one rate that a child is spoiled, what criteria are they using? If as most people say, they are accustomed to getting whatever they want, they do not know what struggling means. Do we need to have children who are struggling, who do not get their needs met for one reason or another to say that the child is not spoiled? You may be surprised. Just look at Cain.
Cain for those who do not know was the son of Adam. Cain had a brother, Abel, who we are told worked the land as Cain tended to animals. First forward, a lot of stuff happens that ends with Cain luring and killing his brother, then having a hissy fit when confronted by The Almighty (God, for those who don’t know) and finally whining about his punishment being more than he could bear. What did he expect, he has the dubious reputation of being the first murderer.
Cain had everything going for him, he did not lack for anything, or so I choose to believe. He only needed to raise his eyes to see what his father and by extension he owned. After all God id tell Adam, to be fruitful and multiply. Yet, at the time we get to this story he only has 2 sons.
The conversation I inadvertently eavesdropped on reminded me of Cain’s story. Three things I choose to take from this.
- Values
- Cause and Effect
- Intentionality
Values
You may have 6 children as opposed to Mother-of-one, one’s child. If values are not instilled in the child there is nothing you will teach them that they will not mess up.
The Value of working for what you want (notice I have not said the value of hard work. AI has simplified work)
The Value of appreciating people’s efforts.
The Value of doing what is right, regardless of how hard it may be.
Cain decided to do what was not right, then turned around and whined. I can go on and on, but you get the drift. Teach your people values and they will not behave as spoiled brats.
Cause and Effect
Regardless of how easy our children have it, they do so because of the work we put in. We need to teach them that every action has consequences and just because they are not struggling (if they aren’t) or they are, it does not mean that they can behave any way they choose.
John C. Maxwell said “Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you.”
Incidentally The Law of Cause and Effect is one of the 7 Universal Laws.
Cain in killing his brother set in motion events that he had not thought would happen, he was sent from his home and from his parents, places that were familiar to him and he had to start over.
Being Intentional
When Cain lured his brother to the field to kill him, he had already planned for it. He made a very intentional decision.
We need to be careful what we teach; how we show up and most of all, for those who are parents, how we parent.
The most liberating statement to paraphrase what J.K Rowling said is “It reaches a point in your life when you can no longer blame your parents.” At that point you have to step up and take responsibility.
Whether you are an only child, whether you are the parent of an only child, whether you have 1 or 10 siblings, whether you are parenting 1 or 20 children, at the end of the day, what matters will be: What values do you live by, what legacy do you want to leave behind through your actions and how are you showing up in the spaces you are in.
We are all spoilt by the Creator of the universe. He tells us “Ask of me and I shall give you the nations for your inheritance, and the ends of the earth for your possession” It can’t get better than that, this side of heaven.
Stay spoilt, won’t you.
God bless.
Always
We are spoilt by the creator of the universe! Love that line!
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What a beautiful read!! Thought provoking for sure!Quite well written Jos, well done!